13 Things To Remember When Someone You Love Suffers From Depression

Oct 26

1. No-one Chooses To Be Depressed

Of any experience a person can go through in life, depression is one of the most frustrating and helpless.  It doesn’t just involve feeling sad all the time, sometimes you feel vacant and there are other times when you don’t actually feel anything at all.  There are even truly frightening times when a person can be so badly affected by depression that they feel frozen and paralysed within their own body and mind and can’t do the things they should be doing or once loved doing.  It is not something anyone can simply “get over” like a cold and it does not simply mean that person is having bad day.  No-one choose to be depressed.

It Is Meaningless To Say “You’ll be fine”, “You just need to get out of the house” and “It’ll get better”

While you may feel like you have given a simple way for a depressed person to feel better or give them the solution, saying any of the above statements or similar is meaningless.  Not only will they not help ease the pain the person is suffering from, but they can also sound patronising and insulting.

You can actually do a lot more damage than repair by saying these kinds of things because it can make them feel more tense and inadequate.  It can feel as if to them that you are not really acknowledging their condition and how it is affecting them.  Undoubtedly they realise you are trying to be kind and helpful, these kinds of words can make you feel worse.

2. Instead, you can say:

I am here for you and believe in you and believe that you are strong enough and will get through it.   In what way can I help you?  What could I do to make you feel better?

Just don’t give advice and listen to them and let them know you are there for them and just ask question to try and figure out what could help you help them. Be creative with your words to find things out. Make them feel good with good words. You may try some love quotes for them. It may help them feel good. 

3. Often They Need To Push You Away In Order To Draw You Closer

It is common for people with depression to feel like they are a burden on others.  This can make them want to isolate themselves from everyone else and push the people away they really need the most.  They then exhaust themselves mentally with all the worry about whether or not they are bringing their friends and family down too much.  When someone you love is depressed and pushes you away or isolates themselves, you need to make sure they are reminded you are therefore them; without forcing them.

4. You Can Get Frustrated With Them

When someone you love has depression, it doesn’t mean you should cater for their ever need or feel the need to walk around on  tiptoes being scared to say something wrong.  Although depressed people need support and love; but when it starts to have a negative affect on your life, it is okay for you to work out a way to show them kindness and love without sacrificing too much and you are allowed to acknowledge their behaviour is having a bad affect on their life.

5. You Need To Discuss And Create Boundaries With Them

When things get too frustrating while you are trying to take care of a loved one with depression, you need to take some time to give a lot of thought to what you can do to help them while looking out for your own fulfilment and happiness.  Remember to exercise patience and talk to them about the concerns you have and talk through the boundaries you need to create.

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