Abuse is something that should never be tolerated, regardless of who it comes from. Emotional abuse, unlike physical abuse, has very few visible signs. You are as equally more likely to be an emotional abuser as you are a victim of emotional abuse. It is even worse if you are completely oblivious to what is happening. Emotional abuse has a devastating influence and affect and, if allowed to continue, can eat away at your poise, self-esteem, self-confidence and self-respect.
Obviously if you are unaware of what is happening, you can’t really be blamed, but often people remain in emotionally abusive relationships, fully aware of what is happening, just because they feel they can’t leave the person, regardless of how abusive they are, because they love them. Don’t be misled or manipulated though, you need to really appreciate the fact that although you need to compromise and sacrifice in the name of love, it should never result in you losing your self-worth.
To help you, we have put together a list of some warning signs you should be aware of that are evidence that you are involved with a partner who is emotionally abusive. If you recognise any of the following situations or personality traits you really need to take a long, hard look at your relationship and possibly face up to the fact that you may have to split up.
1. They Make You Feel Ashamed In Public
While it is not a good thing for anyone to be degraded in private, it is even worse if it is done publicly, particularly if it’s by the one person you love more than anyone else in the world – your partner. A good partner may draw attention to your shortcomings or mistakes, but they should never make you feel bad about them. That’s disrespectful and just wrong. If it’s bad for your personality when this is done in private, imagine the affect it has when it is done in public with an audience. It can result in you suffering from depression, closing yourself off from people and having really low self-esteem.
2. They Constantly Disapprove
Regardless of whether it has anything to do with them or not, nothing seems to be good enough. An emotionally abusive person will always manage to find fault in everything you do and even if they can’t, they will lie or invent things. If you have a partner who is like this, it probably has made you question every little thing you do, even when you are doing the right things in the right way. Even when you take on board their advice and try to do things a bit differently, they will still find flaws in what you do. A person like that will never be truly pleased with anything you do and in the process of you trying to find their approval, you will lose sense of who you are and your true worth.
3. They Use Jokes To Disguise Insults
In life, you have to be able to take jokes and laugh at yourself from time to time, but there should be a line that is never crossed. It is never okay for someone, particularly the person you love and who supposedly loves you in return, to degrade you in the form of jokes. Even if they do not realise it, the affect of their cruel version of humour can have on you, may take a lot of hard work to undo.
4. They Are Too Controlling
You know you are with a control freak because their constant aim in life is to gain as much control over their own lives and everyone else’s regardless of what it takes to get that control. Even if it is something that they have no say or bearing on at all, they will still want to control it. When they feel in control they feel dominant and that will extend from having control over their own life, to having control over yours. When you try to put up with this kind of behaviour you can end up feeling trapped and suffocated. They take away your freedom of speech and definitely personal growth as well.
5. They Demoralise You
We all make mistakes because not one person out there is completely perfect in any way, shape or form. Therefore, it is important that we go easy on others and ourselves rather than embarrassing and judging one another. One of the most beautiful aspects of being in a relationship is that even though you are imperfect, the person you have chosen to be with in life sees past your flaws and sees only the best in you. In addition, they can help you overcome your failings and flaws. If the person you are with constantly picks at everything you do wrong and does not want to help you become a better version of yourself, it can be very detrimental to your self-esteem and self-confidence. Remember, a partner who constantly criticises you is not going to help you.
6. They Are Indifferent
If your partner never takes on board or shows that they appreciate your sentiments, they can leave you feeling unsupported. When they are seemingly indifferent to anything you say, do or feel it can cause you to believe that they are right to ignore you and that your feelings are not important. As well as being damaging to the relationship itself, more crucially, this indifferences is damaging to you as a person as it makes you feel unimportant when you truly are.
7. They Are Insecure.
They make you feel unsafe when you are around them or they act in a way that could be seen as threatening. This is another way of showing their dominance over you. They are oblivious to the fact that a healthy and happy relationship does not need one-half to be or feel superior over the other, as both are equals. As insecurities can easily develop into fear, they are one of the most important signs of an abusive relationship. When you start feeling afraid for your safety around your partner, you lose sight of who you are and stop acting according to your own free will.
8. They Regularly Look For Retribution
Retribution has no place in a healthy and happy relationship. Even if you do something wrong, it doesn’t mean that you should be punished. It’s not fair if they do things to make you feel bad or cut you off in some way as a punishment for something you did. We all know mistakes are inevitable in life, so when someone forces you to feel guilty it can cause you to question everything you do and your own morality.
9. They Are Unsupportive
In a relationship, you should both be working hard to push each other forward in life. Regardless of how crazy, silly or unrealistic your partners dreams may seem, you should never discourage them and should always be supportive. When your partner ridicules you for having the ambitions you have rather than supporting you, it can make your struggle to reach your goals and achievements even harder Because when the person you respect, love and trust the most in the world puts you down for your struggles in achieving your dreams, it can be hard to ignore your own doubts.
10. Disrespect Your Relationship’s Privacy
Things that happen between a couple should stay private. This is something you should expect as a standard in a relationship. When someone does not respect the privacy of your relationship and keep private matters private, particularly without consulting you about it beforehand, it can make you feel less confident, embarrassed and exposed. It can often cause ill feeling between the two of you, that may never go away.
11. Your Judgement Is Questioned Constantly
If your partner does not seem to acknowledge that you can make your own decisions does not have much respect for you as a person. They normally try to tell you what you should do as a way of undermining you because they believe you are unable of judging what is best for you. When this happens in a relationship, it leaves you having serious doubts about your abilities.
12. Unwarranted Blame
Whenever something goes wrong, you are always in the wrong. It could be with regards to anything at all in the world – something to do with their work, your relationship, anything – but it will always be your fault. It can feel very draining if you are trying to justify everything you do to your partner, all of the time.
13. They Are Temperamental
If you are discussing something concerning them, they will often be very touch about it. They are often easily offended and seem unable to laugh or poke fun at themselves. You have to be careful about how you word things, because you are never sure if you are going to say something that will upset them or not. This means that you spend your time weighing up the pros and cons of saying anything to them before you say it.
14. Lack Of Appreciation For Your Own Space And Time
Even though you have chosen to be in a relationship with someone, you should not mean you shouldn’t do things separately and have to spend all your time together. Some people fail to understand it seems that you need to have your own space and things that you do outside of your relationship with them. In actual fact, it can help to keep things in their proper perspective and balanced. If your partner is needy, they will always have issues when you do things with other people or on your own without them and will always try to keep you with them at all times, which can leave you feeling trapped.
15. Always Feeling Inferior
You are never allowed to go through life for too long before they make you feel smaller than them and that even though you are not worth of their time, they are doing you a favour being in a relationship with you. This can lead you to believe and feel inferior to your partner and everyone else you encounter in life.
16. They Always Have To Be Right
You may have to reconsider your relationship if your partner is never quick to(if they ever do) accept or admit their mistakes and always blames you. When they always have to be right, meaning you are always wrong even if you are right, it can create a feeling of disregard towards them.
17. You Are Threaten Regulated
They always force you to do exactly what they want to do it and when they want to do it by threatening you. Often their threats may be cloaked and sound reasonable or perhaps even jokey, but other times these threats will be less suable and you will always feel subdued and under duress.
18. Feeling Restrained Financially
In order to control you, many abusive partners will go as far as to managing all of the finances involved in your relationship so that they know exactly what you are doing at all times. Because they are in control of your finances, you are held to ransom and have to submit to their control whether you like it or not.
19. You Are Constantly Pestered
No matter what you are doing or where you go, you never have a moment to yourself. They are constantly keep track of what you do, who you see and where you go. As well as being very irritating it also shows a huge lack of distrust for you, because that is why they constantly feel the need to check up on what you are doing.
20. Falsely Accuse You
It can be very tiresome and difficult dealing with people who have issues with trusting others. They always falsely accuse you of things, even if you haven’t done anything which can lead to you feeling like you always have to prove yourself to them.