Most people at some point in their life will experience lost love and when it happens we are often left asking ourselves “Why did the relationship fail?” Even if we would rather not admit it, the answer can be found with some serious self-assessment. The truth is that many people are afraid of being in love; even if they say it’s what they really want. The fear that we have about being in a proper relationship and trusting in another person can show itself in a number of different ways and while it feels as though those fears are there to protect us from getting hurt; they also stop us from getting what we really want.
You may ask ‘why do I fear intimacy so much and what is stopping me from finding someone to love and staying with them? In the following article you will find 7 of the most powerful reasons why you may be preventing yourself from falling properly in love.
1. You Feel Vulnerable
Being in a new relationship is like walking through a place you have never been to before, which makes that fear of the unknown that most of us have, kick in. After all, allowing yourself to fall in love is risky. You have to put a lot of trust in someone else and give the chance to affect you, whether positively or negatively. This obviously leaves you feeling vulnerable and exposed. Core defence mechanisms that you have are challenged and, in your head you feel that the more you care for someone else, the more you could get hurt.
2. Hurt From The Past Is Stirred Up By New Love
You are not always really aware of how much past relationships affect future ones. However, from our childhood through to the present day, the way you were hurt in previous relationships has strongly influences how you behave in loving relationships and how you see people you get close to. You may feel scared of opening up fully to someone new because of what happened in the past. If you are avoid serious, loving relationships, it is more than likely that you are doing this to avoid those feelings from the past of rejection, anger, loss and hurt.
3. It Challenges How You See Yourself
Another reason why you may be avoiding love is because it can challenge the way you see yourself. Many people feel that they are simple unlovable and do not believe anyone else would think they are valuable enough to care for. If you feel like that, you are not alone. We all have a cruel and negative inner critic in our heads that tries, and often succeeds, in reminding us how unworthy of love we really are. These feelings of worthlessness normally stem from your experiences during childhood, the kind of personalities and attitudes you were exposed to and the way your parents expressed feelings for one another.
Those sort of feelings and attitudes are very hurtful and damaging but because they have been cemented in your mind over many years, you may not see them for what they really are. Although they are unpleasant and negative, the thoughts of your inner critic will feel comfortable because you are familiar with them. When you find someone who sees past those thoughts or has opposing thoughts about who you are and whether you deserve love or not; it can make you defensive and uncomfortable because their feelings are challenging the ingrained negative opinion you’ve had for a long time.
4. Real Happiness Goes Hand In Hand With Real Pain
It is generally true that whenever you feel true happiness you can expect to feel sadness at some point. The reason why you may be depriving yourself of things that make you really happy is because they can also make you feel pain.