10 Questions You Should Avoid on the First Date

Jan 26
first date

First dates can be nerve-wracking. And nerves sadly can make us say things we’d usually never say when talking to someone we’ve just met. Some questions can come across as offensive, inappropriate, and just plain creepy. Here’s why you should avoid these 10 questions on your first date:

  1. “Where do you live?”
  2. “Did you lie about anything on your dating profile?”
  3. “Have you ever struggled with your weight?”
  4. “What happened with your ex?”
  5. “How much money do you make?”
  6. “What’s the most attractive thing about me?”
  7. “How many bad dates have you been on and what happened?”
  8. “How can you still be single?”
  9. “Can you see us together in the future?”
  10. “How soon would you like to get married? Have kids?”

Where do you live?

Right off the bat, nothing seems wrong with this question. But the problem comes when people take it too far and try to narrow down the street, building, and apartment number. If your date replies merely with the city and doesn’t seem eager to share more or pretends only to know vague details about their street, it’s time to drop the subject. If they wanted you to know where they lived, they would tell you.

Did you lie about anything on your dating profile?

Maybe someday, far in the future, when you are a happy couple, this question might be ok to ask. But we suggest you skip this one on your first date. First, you are implying that they lied about something (height, weight, lifestyle, etc…) on their profile. Second, your date is going to be suspicious as to what you lied about in your profile. You might have thought this would be a good ice-breaker, but it will most likely just make your date skeptical of you.

Have you ever struggled with your weight?

If you ever have thought to mention another person’s weight on a first date, here is some advice — don’t. Even if your intentions are pure and you are just wondering, asking about someone’s weight comes across as shallow. Perhaps they have struggled to lose or gain weight, and it’s a sensitive topic. Making your date feel uncomfortable is undoubtedly the wrong way to get a second date. If and when the person is ready, they’ll bring up the topic themselves.

What happened with your ex?

what happened with your ex?This doesn’t exactly make for a great first date conversation — even if you are just curious. The details of their prior relationship are none of your business. Instead, focus on getting to know your date and creating a relationship with them. If things work out between you two, then it might be important for you to know the details, but definitely not on your first date.

How much money do you make?

This question was rated the number one worst question to ask on eHarmony. A relationship should be built on so much more than just how much money your partner makes. Asking this on a first date makes you appear shallow. You should be interested in getting to know the person, not the size of their wallet.

What’s the most attractive thing about me?

It’s more than likely that your date found something attractive about you, that’s why they agreed to the date. Asking this question makes you look insecure and puts your date in an uncomfortable position. There may be an appropriate time to ask this question in the future, but on your first date steer clear.

How many bad dates have you been on and what happened?

If you’re asking this question, it’s likely the number of bad dates they’ve been on just went up by one. Everyone has been on a few cringy dates and being reminded of those isn’t always a great topic. Maybe your date’s worst date was something you’ve done before, and then you spend the rest of the date worried you’ll slip up and accidentally make the same or a similar mistake.

How can you still be single?

Is there ever an acceptable answer to this question? What kind of answer are you hoping to hear? If you’re waiting for your date to say, “I’ve just been waiting for someone like you.” just know that’s a Hollywood answer. Maybe they were focused on finishing school, getting a stable career, or it just didn’t work out with their ex. It’s even possible they weren’t looking for a relationship, and now they are. More often than not you’ll end up with an awkward silence and the person wondering why you’re still single.

Can you see us together in the future?

This question makes it seem like you’re on a timeline and you’re only going to finish the date if it ends in an exclusive relationship or marriage. It also puts uncomfortable pressure on your date to give a “correct” answer. A first date should be about getting to know more about your date, their likes, dislikes, hobbies, etc.

Plus, what if they don’t see it working out?

How soon would you like to get married? Have kids?

Are you in a rush or something? Have you already booked your favorite chapel? This conversation will naturally come up given time. Or not, but rushing it won’t help. Maybe your date planned on getting married at 25, and now they’re 30 and still not married. Or they were hoping to get their career started and didn’t plan on having kids anytime soon. Whatever their plan for life, it is their business and they’ll let you know if and when you fit into those plans.

Carlee Linden is a Content Management Specialist for BestCompany.com and manages the Online Dating blog. When she’s not at work, Carlee can be found online shopping or redecorating her apartment.